Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
