You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
