Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
