I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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