my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
