Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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