fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
