i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
