and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
