did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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