do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
