I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
