literally had 100 drinks last night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
