I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Terrible idea I love it
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
