She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
