filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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