You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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