I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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