he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I need to calm my uterus...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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