If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
