I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
