So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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