With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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