Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
