So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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