My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
