it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
