just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
even my farts smell like vagina
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
