Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
