you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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