I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
