We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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