i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
