Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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