I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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