i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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