Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Less talking, more tequila
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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