Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
