so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
