Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
