Sry I called you an 8
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
