I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
