The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
