Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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