I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
