I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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