She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
What a dumb baby whore.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
