eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
