well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
