I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize