so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
BRING THE BAGELS
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
