happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
