Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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