what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
