Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
