She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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