Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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