i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
