i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
