I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
