are you still at the devil's house?
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
