you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
