How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
