I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize