I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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