I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
